The god of Vanity.

Have you ever thought of the definition of vanity? When I was younger all I wanted was a beautiful vanity dresser in my bedroom. I never really wore makeup growing up, but I knew if I had a perfect vanity I would sit in front of it for hours just brushing my hair and putting on makeup. That's what they were made for, right? The word vanity itself means to have excessive pride in or admiration of one's own appearance or achievements.

Basically, what I am going to refer to as the god of vanity, has been battling for my life since I was a little girl. And, I can't say that much has changed. Wanting to look not our best, but the best..Having the best figure than those around us..Fixing our hair absolutely perfect everywhere we went. Bottom line for everyone who has strived to obtain these goals, we were simply worshipping our own image. It's at this moment that we need to realize whether our sole purpose is to please man or to please God.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

I've heard this verse a lot, especially since I've been a Christian. And in my head I always thought "Of course I'm not trying to please people, I love Jesus and He is all I care about." But here lately I have really been convicted about just how much I have been focusing on appearance. It's easy to think to yourself that everything is going fine, and you just have a few struggles, but it's really no big deal. Until someone else points out to you exactly what you constantly talk about, what you're constantly complaining about.

The past few months I have struggled with wanting to lose weight. I've always been underweight for my height so weight was never an issue because I was always playing a sport year around from the time I was big enough to hold a softball bat. (I am not saying that I am overweight now and miserable because that isn't the case. I had become prideful of myself and struggled with the desire of wanting to be unhealthy underweight again.)... However, two years have passed that I've been completely done with high school and college sports and I have become ridiculously insecure with my body image. If you know me then you know how bizarre my eating habits are. There were some days I would go without eating a single meal. Then other days I would be certain I didn't miss a chance to eat. As small of a problem as this may seem, it had completely controlled my mindset for entirely too long. All I thought about everyday is how much I needed to lose weight. How many calories I needed to burn. How much exercise I needed to do every single day. How long I could go without eating at all. It had become not only a problem but a challenge because I wanted so bad to be so tiny that I had let this lifestyle become a god in my life. Yes it is important to take care of your body and to be healthy. But I believe there is a fine line between being healthy and just wanting to look great to the people around us.


"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promises for both the present life and the life to come." 1 Timothy 4:8


"...people look at the outward appearance, but The Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7.... As amazing as this verse should make me feel, it absolutely terrified me. God looks at my heart. The part of my body from which everything flows. THAT is what God sees when he looks at me. I will tell y'all right now that for me to be so overwhelmed by my own "god of vanity," My heart was certainly not where it needed to be with Christ. And this literally scared me to no ends. A verse that I have heard all my life and just now, when I am 21 years old and closer to God than I have ever been..it truly hit me. My heart wasn't completely surrendered. The answer to my insecurity wasn't to go on a diet or constantly pressure myself to lose weight. Rather it was to surrender my soul and HEART to the One who made me exactly like I am! Matthew 5:6 "BLESSED are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." All this time I was hungry for the wrong thing. Hungry for the self praise I wasn't giving myself. Hungry for the constant acceptance of people who in the end are fighting the SAME battles I am. For us to not appreciate who we are, just the way we are, is implying that God could have done a better job when he knit us together in our mothers womb. And who am I to question God?

I'm not saying that I haven't been growing spiritually over the past few months because I have. But I will tell you that following Jesus completely is a lot harder when you have a particular struggle or sin that you are dragging around with you instead of leaving it at the foot of the cross. Maybe you're struggling with your walk with Christ but you don't know what's holding you back or why you can't seem to have more desire to feel the presence of God. If this is the case, look at something that disappoints you the most. God will use disappointments in your life to remind you of the idols you are letting overpower your life. "What we complain about reveals what really matters to us. Whining shows what has power over us."

"As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart." Proverbs 27:19

The heart is the truth of your identity. Dont trade the Creator God for a god of your own creation. Next time the god of vanity tries to fight so hard to win over your heart, surrender it to the only God who has the power to save you from this world. The One who created you. Jesus Christ.

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